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Bonding with an Adopted Child

attachment between infant and caregiver 2250

As parents or expecting parents, we may have many concerns and worries about the upbringing of our children or future children. Where will they go to school? Will they grow up to be successful? Will they be kind and loving? As adoptive parents, we have these concerns plus others which are much more fundamental. Will my adopted child bond with me? More importantly, will I be able to bond with them? Additionally, adoptive parents who also have biological children may wonder, will I be able to love my adopted child in the same way I love my other children?

The first thing you need to know is that these are completely normal and natural feelings ANY parent experiences. Reassure yourself that you won’t be any less of a parent for having these fears. The second thing you may ask is, “How do I bond with my child?” At the most basic level, a child will form an attachment to their parent(s) if their needs are consistently met. Bonding with a child plays a crucial role in their development. The more sensitive you are to their needs, the more quickly and deeply you will bond. Children adopted as infants display no difference in their quality of attachment from nonadopted infants, according to Psychologist and author, Dr. David Brodzinsky.

Ways to strengthen the bond with your baby apply to all infants, adopted or not.

  1. Be consistent in your response to their needs.
  2. Talk to your baby and make eye contact with them.
  3. Provide as much physical contact; snuggles, hugs, kisses, as you can.
  4. Don’t neglect your own needs. Your baby will sense if you are stressed or burnt out.

You may not bond with your adopted child overnight and that is normal! Be patient with yourself and the process. Reach out to others who have been through the same situation. You will likely find out you aren’t alone. Most importantly, love your baby to the best of your ability and the rest will fall into place.

If you are interested in reading further on the topic of attachment and bonding, here are a few great places to start.

The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby

The Attachment Connection: Parenting a Secure and Confident Child Using the Science of Attachment Theory

The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising Your Adopted Child: A complete handbook to welcoming your adopted child into your heart and home

New Birth Announcement - Congratulations to Veronica and Carlos

BA Garcia

When Veronica and Carlos joined the Everlasting family in June of 2016, I don't think they realized just how quickly their lives would change! Veronica and Carlos always dreamed of having a son. When they got the call March 1st that birth mom Liz was interested in getting to know them, they couldn't believe it! 
This connection was serendipitous. Veronica and Carlos had just painted their nursery two weeks prior to their first contact with Liz! Liz battled with constant uncertainty about her decision to place her baby for adoption. Veronica and Carlos entered into this connection knowing that she may change her mind but pressed forward building a relationship based on complete transparency and openness with Liz. They consistently and honestly supported Liz's deep reflection on her decision. 
As their relationship developed and they got to know one another, Liz felt more confident that she was making the best decision possible for her and her baby boy. On March 17th around 9 am at 7 lbs 10oz and 2 weeks before his due date, Logan came into this world! Liz spent some private time with Logan before deciding to move forward. 
Veronica and Carlos got the call that he was here and made their way to not only meet their son but spend time with their birth mom as well! Logan was welcomed into a huge family full of love and longing! We are so grateful to have been a part of this connection. It was amazing to see this relationship grow feel the constant love and support Veronica and Carlos had for their birth mom, even though there was some uncertainty. Thank you to Liz for her honesty and openness through her own journey. Veronica and Carlos, we are so happy for you! Happy Birthday, Logan!

Blanca, Travis and Tianna's Adoption Journey Party


We love to receive updates like this from former Everlasting families. What a special way to celebrate your beautiful family with an "Adoption Journey" party. Thank you Blanca and Travis for sharing!
Good Morning to you wonderful ladies.
Hope all is well on your end! It’s been a while since I sent an update on our precious girl Tianna. She’s growing up so incredibly fast it’s hard to believe she’ll be 3 in July! On Saturday we threw an “Adoption Journey” Party that celebrated the day we finalized the adoption 2 years ago today (3/20/17). Our closest friends and family came to share in our joy, they’ve been a big part of our journey from the first day we wanted to adopt. As Tianna gets older we want to show her how positive adoption is, what unconditional love and support is really about.
We started the party with a small ceremony where family and friends got up and said a few words of how blessed we are to have her, how much she’s changed our lives. We know as she gets older she will have plenty of questions she might not feel comfortable asking us. So we asked three of our closest friends to stand with her and accept to be fully be a part of her adoption journey and promise to always be honest with her about the adoption, and to help keep the tradition of the “Adoption Journey” Celebration going.
Tianna is so full of personality and very outgoing, there’s so much light that shines from her. She’s definitely daddy’s little princess and mommy’s best friend. She’s already in an early pre-school where she is learning so much and interacting with kids her own age. She absolutely is fascinated by horses and the Grinch. She still doesn’t grasp jingle bells and Santa Claus is coming to town are Christmas Carols but if she wants to be in the Christmas spirit all year long better believe we are singing with her. We truly believe we have the Best Kid Ever, she’s so funny, loving and caring and warms your heart with just a small smile.
As always thank you for helping to make our family complete. You truly make dreams a reality and we are forever grateful!

New Birth Announcement - Congratulations to Keith and Liz

BA KeithLiz

Keith and Liz joined the Everlasting family in November of 2014. They already had two wonderful sons but yearned to add to their family. Their adoption journey was filled with ups and downs as many journeys are. There were many times they questioned their path as connections failed. In August of 2016 they were connected with their birth mom Janis and while her due date was a bit far off, everything started to fall into place. 
They spent the next 7 months getting to know each other and building a solid foundation for a loving relationship. They comforted Janis through many ups and downs in her own journey. In October Keith, Liz and big brothers found out they were expecting a little baby girl! With excitement and full hearts they anxiously awaited her arrival. 
Sweet baby Katharine was born on March 9th! We couldn't be happier for Keith, Liz and Katharine's big brothers! Adoption can be a scary road full of uncertainty but we cherish the opportunity to not only have helped grow their family but comforted and supported them through their journey as well. We are forever grateful to birth mom Janis for her love not only for Katharine but Keith and Liz as well. We look forward to watching this newly created family grow and the many adventures life will continue throw everyone's way! Congratulations Keith and Liz! Thank you, Janis! Happy Birthday, Katharine Jane! 

Birth Mom Brittany Shares Her Experience

BM Brittany

Brittany reached out to Everlasting in August of 2016 when she found out that she was pregnant. Brittany has had experience with adoption before and we treasure the opportunity to help her work through an adoption plan when she was faced with the difficult decision once again. She did not feel like she had the stability to parent a child and yearned to find a family that could provide that love and consistency she desired for her baby. 
Brittany connected with adoptive parents Kristina and Robert. She felt drawn to them because of the security she felt they could provide. She loved that Robert has a great job and that Kristina is a stay at home mom. The icing on the cake was the fact that her baby would have a big brother! When asked about her experience with her adoptive family, Brittany used one word: AMAZING! She said it takes her breath away to interact with them. They still talk regularly! 
Brittany said that she was immediately drawn to our variety of families that she could choose from. Her experience with our director, Carol, an adoptive mom herself, was wonderful. Brittany felt supported and that her needs were always listened to. Carol provided constant love, attention and was always overjoyed and happy to hear from Brittany. 
If Brittany could offer once piece of advice to a birth mom considering adoption or presently working through the process, it would be, "Keep positive. Ask questions. Get to know your family and be honest and up front about everything." 
We are grateful to Brittany for sharing her experience with her adoptive family. To have supported her along her journey, providing strength and love, was an honor and a privilege for everyone at Everlasting. We wish her and her adoptive family nothing but love. Thank you, Brittany! 

Birth Mom Jennifer Shares Her Experience

BM Jessica

When Jennifer and her husband found out they were pregnant with their 5th child they knew in their hearts they could not keep her. As much as they desperately wanted to, they already had 4 beautiful children under the age of 8 and they felt it wasn't fair to any of their children to parent a 5th child. They felt adoption was the best chance to give all of their children the lives they deserved. Jennifer contacted Everlasting in August of 2016. Our director, Carol, shared her personal experience of adopting their son with Jennifer. This sharing instantly connected Jennifer with Carol, and reassured her that her experience was personally important to not only Carol, but everyone at Everlasting.

Carol helped Jennifer find the adoptive couple that was the right fit for her family. Jennifer said that she met Scott and Kirsten for the first time over dinner, and after that, they texted almost everyday. When it was time for delivery, they all rode to the hospital together! Jennifer delivered baby Tuesday Elise on February 7, 2017. Scott and Kirsten stayed in the hospital with Tuesday where they also spent their downtime with Jennifer hanging out and chatting.

Jennifer and her family have such a special relationship with Scott and Kirsten. They talk on a regular basis. They exchange updates monthly. Jennifer and her husband get pictures and updates on Tuesday Elise, and they send pictures and updates back on her siblings! Jennifer said that since their personalities are so similar, they would be best friends if they didn't live in different states!

When asked about her experience with Everlasting, Jennifer said it was great. She stated that anytime she ever had a question, the response was almost instant, and she never felt like she was bothering anyone even if the text or email was in the middle of the night. Jennifer said Carol was amazing!

If Jennifer could share one piece of advice with a birth mom wrestling with the decision to have an adoption plan or for a birth mom currently going through one, it would be to remember, no matter how hard it is, you're doing the best for your little one. She encourages fellow birth moms to not let anyone make you feel like you're not! She said that birth moms should also make sure they click with the family they choose and be open and work out details in the beginning; that way everyone knows if they want different things.

Jennifer says, "This was the hardest decision of my life but having the right couple made it a lot easier than it would have been."

We are grateful to Jennifer and her husband not only for their selfless act of love and the blessing she has given adoptive parents, Scott and Kirsten, but for Jennifer's willingness to share her story for other birth moms. It is our greatest joy at Everlasting to be part of this newly created family! We wish nothing but the best to Jennifer and her family!

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