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5 Things Birthmothers Want to Know About Adoptive Families

Placing a baby for adoption is likely one of the hardest things a young mother can do. With that said, she’s looking for specific qualities in an adoptive family. While all birthmothers are different, there is some common ground when it comes to what they’d like to know about adoptive parents and their child’s future with them.

That Your Relationship is Solid:

You may be someone who believes your relationship is a private matter - something that is only discussed between you and your spouse. We respect that. At the same time, a birthmother placing her baby for adoption wants to see a strong relationship that will last a lifetime. Often times, their number one wish for their child is to grow up in a two-parent household. This doesn’t mean you have to share the life story of your marriage, but it does mean you should express your love and care for each other. Either in your adoptive family profile or meeting with the birthmother (or both!) be sure you and your spouse mention a few of the things you love about each other. Tell the story of how you met, or talk about the things you want to do as you grow old together. This shows the birthmother you’re in it for the long haul - not just with her baby, but with each other as a family.

How You Raise or Plan to Raise a Child:

Whether you already have children or you are planning for your first, birthmothers like having an idea of how their child will be raised. Will you travel? Will you introduce your children to many different hobbies, sports and activities? Do you believe in “groundings” or time outs? You don’t need to have an exact plan right now, but sharing some of your thoughts about parenting with the birthmother can be comforting for both you and her.

What Your Family is Like:

One thing many birthmothers look for in adoptive families is a tight knit extended family. If you spend a lot of time with your own parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc, explain this in your adoptive family profile. Does your family live nearby, or is the 12 hour drive to Grandma’s house a yearly adventure? Talk about your family traditions, what you do on holidays and why you love spending time with your loved ones. Including family photos is an even deeper way to show your dedication to family.

How Much Time You have to Devote to Family:

Birthmothers can get a sense of your daily schedule by knowing what type of job you have or what type of lifestyle you lead. No birthmother wants to look at a profile and feel like the family is too busy for their child. If you and your spouse both have full time jobs, explain what type of care the child will receive while you are working. Additionally, talk about the ways you will make time for family. Maybe you are dedicated to nightly family dinners, or perhaps you have “family night” once a week or devote weekends to spending time together.

You are Passionate About Parenting:

No matter what your reasonings are for adopting a baby, birthmothers want to feel your passion for becoming a parent. Tell them what things you look forward to about parenting, or of a hobby you have always dreamt of passing down to your child. It’s important for birthmothers to know that having a child goes beyond the desire of being a parent.

At the end of the day, honesty is the best policy when communicating with birthmothers. If you remain honest while considering the tips mentioned above, connecting with a birthmother will be easier than you thought. Should you have any questions, the staff at Everlasting Adoptions is always available to talk, guide or just listen.

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