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Communicating With Your Birthmother

Communicating With Your Birthmother

For prospective adoptive parents hoping to meet a birthmother, few situations are more anxiety-inducing than their first encounter. Whether you plan to meet in person or over the phone, knowing ahead of time what questions to ask - and not ask - can reduce your anxiety and help you make the most of this opportunity to obtain information.

The stress is certainly not one-sided. Of course, when you want a child so intensely, it may be very hard for you to understand how someone else could not want a child. It can be far too easy to assume that anyone who doesn't want to parent a child must be unkind or cold. Give her a chance. She might be the mother of your child.

Here are some questions that the social worker and attorney you hire for the birthmother should be sure to ask her. You may wish to ask some of these questions yourself. You should also add your own questions to this list as well.

  • When is your baby due?
  • When did you start thinking about adoption?
  • Are you working with any other agencies or attorneys?
  • Are you feeling all right?
  • How does the birthfather feel about the pregnancy? How does he feel about adoption?
  • How do your parents feel about the pregnancy?
  • How did you choose this agency/attorney/facilitator?
  • Do you have a plan for your life, after the baby is born, either job-wise or educational?
  • What do you like to do in your spare time?
  • Do you know anybody who has placed a baby for adoption? Do you know any adopted people?
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